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I turn up to this house in South Dunedin should have known and it was a creepy Buddhist guy who ushered me into his room that had chanting and incense and a single bed. However, he had another similar incident only this year. I was becoming increasingly less sold on the presumed merits of online dating. It was obvious to me why middle-aged-and-older people use these sites, whether they be recently divorced, looking for an affair, or simply out of the game for too long.

But it was less clear why my own peers — brimming with sexual promise and with an apparently endless stream of opportunities to socialise in real life — would resort to online dating. It had seemed to me that once one has crossed this nefarious threshold — admitting romantic defeat in the real world — one is only a pair of stomach-controlling knickers away from dying fat and alone, as Bridget Jones always feared, to be found three weeks later, half-eaten by Alsatians.

It was kind of a curiosity thing, at first.

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Obviously, there are still older gay guys on the sites, but there are way more 38, 45, year-olds that are heterosexual on them, whereas the gay group is a little bit younger. According to Jorge, Grindr has even become integral, for some, to the coming out process itself. Brickell himself remains unconvinced. It is, after all, a means to initiate relationships that generally seem to follow the typical dinner-and-a-movie path, even though they were formed via a URL.

Given that interfacing is done increasingly via smart phones in pockets rather than boxy PC monitors in darkened rooms, online dating could certainly drift, slowly but surely, into the mainstream.

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For this reason, Jorge thinks that online dating is becoming more socially acceptable, even amongst young people. Sooner rather than later, online dating might be truly considered complementary to, or even a logical extension of, the way we conduct our romantic relations, rather than a mark of having given up.


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None of my friends are mad online dating losers that just sit on their computers all day. This article first appeared in Issue 14, Posted pm Sunday 7th July by Brittany Mann.